One Breath

I have found it difficult to write when it seems that I could not even breathe. When I talked to my son Darius for the first time from Basic Training, it seemed then that the air that I had been waiting for weeks to take in could finally be. I cried when we hung up the phone because I was so relieved!

I was able to talk to my son again today, about everything and nothing.  We talked about the swim test that he passed after never quitting, LSU football, and the time that he has left there in Great Lakes. He was in extremely good spirits and ready: ready for the next challenge that life will bring; ready to fulfill his destiny. Without saying, our conversation this morning was a great start to a day that would get even better!

The Morris family put the cherry on top today and I appreciate them for that! They are a fun bunch who reminded me that family does not end when the kids leave the house; it extends!  The Morris family reminded me that even when the kids are out of your sight and line of protection, its okay to breathe. Thank you to Keith, Lynn and the crew for the reminder and I pray that your holiday season continues to be blessed.

The Morris Crew

Hard to Say Goodbye

I need deliverance from the anxiety of letting my son go tomorrow. I know that You will continue to protect him in my absence.  Please send Your Spirit with him to be a constant reminder that where we fall short, Your strength is everlasting.  My son is a man now, and because of Your sacrifice, he will have victory in all areas of his life! I pray that you help me to continue to be the support that he needs.  Your unending grace humbles me beyond words. Thank you for making us more than conquerors through You. Amen.

 
Dear Darius,

If I have said it a thousand times then one more surely won’t hurt! I am proud of you, son. It has been a pleasure watching you grow into a man.  Petty Officer Flake told me that upon your return from training you will hold your head higher, and walk taller and more upright. Wow, really? I honestly cannot believe that there is another degree to the proud way that you carry yourself now!  I have also been told that the person that you are and the success you will obtain is beyond the furthest reaches of my imagination.  I receive it! I have always known you were destined for greatness and have thanked God from day 1 for allowing me to be a part of His awesome plan for your life.

Always Clowning

To say I will miss you is insufficient to describe the way I feel about not being able to see and talk to you every day.  I am surely going to shed more tears than I have in a very long time this week.  On the other hand, I am excited about all of the wonderful things that you will see and experience: all of the things that you are destined to accomplish in this life.

Relax in the knowledge that the Holy Spirit will guide you in all things.  Face your fears head on.  Think before you speak.  Laughter is and will always be therapeutic. We all make mistakes.  Appreciate the little things. Be a blessing to others: this is a huge part of your legacy.

All of us: your nana, papa, sister, aunt, uncle & extended family will be right here praying for you through your good times and bad times.  If it has never been apparent to you before, you are abundantly loved and supported.

Darius, I love you more than my life. No matter how much success you achieve or how many mistakes you make, nothing will change that.  There is no force or distance that can change or separate my love for you.

Trying to be MY parent

Love you today & always,

Mom
 

Thank you to all of you who came by on Saturday to celebrate the next chapter in my son’s life. You all have played an important role in his upbringing. The advice that you gave, the words of comfort and praise, the hugs and laughter, are all very much appreciated. I know that you can imagine that my heart becomes heavier with each passing moment leading up to tomorrow. I find comfort in God’s promise and in his gift of you all as my support system.

Watching Over You

Thank you for blessing me with beautiful children. I give them back to you and ask that you use them both for Your glory.  I pray that in whatever capacity You call them, that they delight in serving You and serving others.  Please watch over my son no matter what corner of the world or sea he visits. Thank you for your constant care and concern, Amen.

Dear Darius,

Did I tell you that I am going to miss you? :(

I have heard several times this week that when you come back from basic training you will not be the same.  I am going to hold on to the memories of the little boy and young man that I know and love! Stand tall, son, enjoy life and remember that Fayetteville is only a very small part of the world!

Love you today & always,

Mom

Grateful For Yesterdays

Last Sunday during prayer I was overwhelmed just thinking about the sacrifice of one of my children for the sins of others.  What an awesome display of selflessness and love!  I thank you for the meaningful path you have chosen for me as a mother as it is such a high honor.  I pray my children will love Your word and understand how special they are to you, Amen.

Dear Darius,

My Lil Power Ranger

Do you remember how you used to watch VHS tapes of The Power Rangers over and over and over? I thought about that today and literally laughed out loud.  I also thought about how Tokitha would drop me off at the mall for work and you guys would jerk all the way home in the Maxima because she didn’t know how to drive a manual transmission. You just looked at her real crazy from the backseat and kept right on singing The Ten Crack Commandments! This was a true testament to the fact that I was a young mom, and growing up right along-side of you.  You knew all the words to every track on BOTH DISCS of Life After Death, but we also spent lots of days in the library and at the kitchen table filling that brain of yours with both academic and life lessons.



Your First Birthday



I know I have made some mistakes along the way, but one thing is for sure:  from the first time I laid eyes on you on April 24, 1993, I have loved you more than I love myself.  At 20 years old, I didn’t believe that was possible, but my life became your life and I don’t regret a day of it!  Thank you for letting me be your mom and your friend; for loving and accepting me just as I am.  I am special because you call me “Ma.”

Love you today & always,

Mom   

One Cannot Exist Without the Other

This week is passing at an unusually fast pace. Lord, when it comes to strength and courage, I have none without you.  Thank you for patiently taking my hand and helping me let my son go with dignity, in order to move on to his own purpose, Amen.

Dear Darius,

A New Tattoo:  One Love

Today has been rainy, a direct reflection of how I feel inside at the thought of your departure.  Time is winding up for you and because of that I am finding it extremely difficult to write today.  I will share that I have always thought of us as the ultimate example of yin and yang:  not opposing forces, but complementary opposites, two-sides of the same coin, light and dark, and both necessary to provide balance.  Today, I decided that I would honor the fact that one of us cannot exist without the other; take a really close look at the picture!

Get Your Own: www.etsy.com/shop/earjeans

A while ago I purchased the handcrafted earrings I am wearing from Tasha LaRae (earjeans).  The Egyptian symbols stand for strength.  Even then, I knew Ms. LaRae's design was God's way of preparing me for the reality of this week.  I know that our connection will grow stronger in your absence and I also know that all of the experiences and trials you go through will make you stronger, a better person, and a better man.  If ever your strength falters, KNOW that I am a phone call, email, or flight away, with words of prayer, encouragement and love.

Love you today & always,

Mom

A Letter For You II

Father, when the time comes for me to release my child into your care, give me the courage to do so graciously, Amen.

Dear Darius,

I was sitting at the table yesterday and watched you walk out of the side door going about your day.  Although I knew you would be back soon, it still felt so FINAL!  It seems like I can remember every single time I have kicked you out of my bathroom while I am trying to flat iron my hair, sat at my desk editing pictures and yelled at you to go get in your own bed, or called you on your cell phone to ask if you were holding my ladybug pillow pet someplace in the house for ransom!  For as worrisome as you can be, I am going to miss all of that when you leave.  What I am going to miss the most is how we can finish one another's sentences and how we are often thinking the EXACT same thing!  People around us most often don't have a clue that they are the subject of our unspoken joke!

Today I want to take the opportunity do what moms do when they send their kids off hoping that you all will remember all of the things we have said seven million times that speak of a good upbringing.  These things are more important that ever, because you are a man now. Not just any man, but a KING!

• Say please and thank you
• Respect your elders; the wisdom and experiences they have had are valuable
• Shake hands firmly and look people directly in the eyes
• Hold doors for the ladies (don't forget you have two special ladies of your own at home)
• Treat people like you would want to be treated

You have made me proud and I hope I have made you proud too!  I want you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers EVERY single day, but I won't worry, because although you are a King, another King has promised in his word to watch over you.

Love you today & always,

Mom

A Letter For You

In little over a week, life as I have known it for 18 years will change.  The person who has motivated me to do better, to be a better person will be leaving to begin a new chapter in his adult life.  To say that we have grown up together is so cliché, so I will simply say that we have shared 18 years of up’s, down’s, tears, and of course, because of our sense of humor that is intertwined in an uncanny way, plenty of laughter!

Chucking The Deuces

For the next few days, I will do my best to post my thoughts and feelings here so that no matter what part of the world the Navy takes my son to, he can always come here and be reminded of home…

Dear Darius,

I have to say that I am overwhelmingly proud of you! Watching you grow into an adult has been like looking into a mirror.  I would like to think that you are a reflection of me; so it gives me joy to see that you are intelligent, lovable, and personable.  I had mixed emotions when you told me about your decision to join the Navy, but everything else was overshadowed by the fact that I was proud of your first adult decision.  It was well thought out and sound. My son is a United States Navy Nuclear Engineer!  If you ask the clerks at Macy’s, Stein Mart, or Nine West, they can all tell you how proud of you I am! ;)  You are everything except average, so I know that the extraordinary experiences that you will have in the Navy are all a part of His plan and your purpose! 

Considering how close we are, the days leading up to your departure are going to be especially difficult for me.  You don’t believe me? I have big ole crocodile tears in my eyes right now! I am going to fight through the emotions this week and fill this blog up with love, laughter and lessons just for you!

Remember to give your all in anything you do.  Anything else is unacceptable! Sometimes it is necessary for your work to speak for you, so make sure that your work is saying all the right things!  I know it can get hard sometimes to give100% effort everyday, but you can do it. You have been my motivation to do just that for 18 years, and now it’s time for you to give back.  If you get weary, do like we did together for the first years of your life:  get on your knees and pray.  Of all the things I have taught you over the years, KNOW that the LORD is your strength and your shield.

Love you today & always,

Mom

Happy Birthday, Aunt Penny!

Edible Art

I have been away from my blog for awhile, but that is not representative of how much I have had to say! I am going to make a conscious effort to do better.

For starters, I want to send a BIG, BLESSED birthday wish to Mrs. Stroud, who celebrated 80 years of love, learning and friendship this week!  I was so impressed with the long list of accolades that were offered by Mrs. Stroud's loved ones, and even more so by her humble response.  She summarized that the words spoken in her honor are those that people don't often hear because they are spoken at their funerals, and she felt so happy and blessed to be able to hear how instrumental she has been in the lives of others.

Mrs. Stroud, if I can be half of the woman you are when I reach half of your age, I will make my family proud.  I pray that your kind spirit and giving heart continue to impact the lives of others for many years to come. 

Letter to Future Teachers

I would like to thank Dr. Alford for inviting Ms. Ferguson and I to come and speak with you this week. Many of you expressed appreciation for all that was shared but you must know that I benefited from sharing with you just as much as you did! When I talk to educators it allows me to assess whether my dedication and commitment is still intact.  I am without a doubt an advocate for children, which by default makes me an advocate for the teaching profession, and for my kindred spirits who are passionate about what we do.

Of all of the things that you heard, saw, and felt during the mock interviews or the ensuing discussion, I would love for you to remember a few things that will UNDOUBTEDLY take you very far.

"Reaping What I've Sown"

• Remember that many are called but the chosen are few! Stay flexible and occasionally move your own cheese! If you don't understand this statement get a head start on the unspoken lifelong learner pact we took during your class and research it! I promise that embracing change will take you and your students places that you cannot even imagine.
• Have a sense of humor. I won't say laugh to keep from crying, but be okay with laughing at yourself, your students, and some of the ridiculous adults you will encounter. Laughter makes us human and keeps us young. I'd like to believe that I'm living proof!
• Treat others (students included) how you would want someone to treat you, your own children, or one of your family members. A few years ago my students and I wrote poems. I wrote:  "I sow excellent seeds in order to see excellence grow."  My students felt great to know this line was composed for and about them. This was my mission every single day. Remember to leave your baggage on your passenger seat before heading into the school in the morning. It will be there waiting patiently for you at the end of the day!

Be who you are. Love what you do. Call on those who can help you get it done. I wish all of you the very best as you embark on your journey of touching the minds and hearts of young people.

Once a Teacher, Always a Teacher...

Lessons From The Mat

In a leather skirt, slacks or plain ole' Express jeans, week after week I sit on the gym floor right next to the wrestling mat and take pictures of my son and his team mates.  Occasionally, the tussle for a take down or win will head straight for me, but I simply move my camera out of harms way and hope that my right eye and right hand survive the assault in order to shoot another day.

Last week the senior wrestlers were honored. My son and the other two team captains are seniors & from the mood in the gym the underclassmen were facing the same reality that I was. These last four years have passed so quickly and now, here we are. This is the last regular season match that I will shoot of my baby in this gym.  I felt overwhelmed and had to fight back tears. When his name was called, accolades listed and he was given his flower and medal:  he quickly passed them to me and whispered in my ear, "you are the real champ, mom." It took everything in me not to fall apart on the spot, but I took solace in the fact that there are great things in store for my son and his teammates. I am a firm believer that "to whom much is given, much is required."

Unknowingly, these kids have taught me a lifetime of lessons in a mere four-year period and it would be so "un-educator-like" of me if I did not share. These definitely are not all of the lessons, but ones that I feel compelled to share, which means someone out there needs this affirmation.

Lesson 1:  Never Quit.  Its the team's mantra & I have seen them live by it through wins, losses, coaching changes and even the lost of team mates.

Lesson 2:  Having Passion Moves You Forward. When you love something, whether it be a sport, a career, or for me both photography and education, you continuously study, practice and  learn.  I have seen my son transition from a middle school wrestler without a clue, to a team captain boasting a stellar season, and a place among the top wrestlers in the state.

Lesson 3:  A Take Down Puts Points on the Board.  In wrestling, this applies to your opponent, but in life it applies to obstacles, some that occur naturally and others that we create for ourselves. Either way, our goal should be to take down or remove these obstacles so that we can reach our destiny!

I would like to say a huge GOOD LUCK to the 71st High School wrestling team who will be competing this weekend in the conference tournament. The lessons that you have taught me will most assuredly see you through as qualifiers for the State Championship! I love you all and please believe it's a BIG thing when you educate an educator!